well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
