i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
