new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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