i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize