How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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