You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Randomize
