This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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