No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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