i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
