Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
