Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
