you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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