Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
