shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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