I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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