my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
pray to the hookup gods
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
