Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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