It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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