I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
