Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
