No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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