Just fell off a train. Bad.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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