Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
