Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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