I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
