do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
