how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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