Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
