I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
