bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize