It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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