i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
