Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
