we have officially lost it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
