Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
