ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize