I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
