i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
