I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
