I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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