Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
