So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
