just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
