i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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