My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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