nut hugger
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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