oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
