So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
