come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
