I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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