the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
