quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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