I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize