so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
