dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
