he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
