Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
