How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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