I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
