Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
