note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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