How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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