Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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