I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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