what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
