The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forget how to act sober
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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