oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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