i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
