White coat. Heels.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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