Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
