Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
