she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
