I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
