I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
