I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
