billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
