We won't sleep together?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
