I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
