who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
