dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I supernannyed him into submission
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize