We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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