Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
