He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
