If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
