were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
