real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
