3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
