May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
